


if only

by Letsplay1213



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cancer, Cuddling, Kids, M/M, sickflic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 04:39:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6359644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Letsplay1213/pseuds/Letsplay1213
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After team free will stops hunting the super natural There bad luck doesn't just end. Dean gets deathly sick.  And Castiel Cant help him. He cant help Dean. Watch the Winchesters life unfold</p>
            </blockquote>





	if only

DEANS POV ( three months earlier)

I remember the first time I new something was happening to me. Not supernatural or anything but something. Me being me I didn't think much of it. I mean. Know that I look back at it I do realize there were more hints more things I should have realized. Like the many bloody noses and the random bruising. I wish I wouldn't have. Maybe if I didn't it would all be okay. I would be sitting here say I had 2 different kinda of Cancer in 2 different places in my body and the best treatment would be chemo. Cas who is know my husband came. Although he didn't understand it all he new it was pretty bad. We set up a day for me to go to for Chemo and went home. He held me in his arms as I just stared at a wall.

 

 

( Present day ) Castiels Pov

 

Dean is just getting sicker. The doctors say he will get worse before better. And I guess they must be right. Dean spends 95% of his time tired throwing up or on an emotional roller-coaster.

"Cas" Deans voice calls out to me fro the bedroom.

"Yes?"

"Can we go out. Maybe go see Sammy at Stanford?" He asks from behind his eye lashes. Today must be a day he feels good. they don't happen often so when they do there magical. we normally go see Sam or to a movie.

" Of course Hon just get ready and when your done we can go out. Ill tell Sam were coming."

 

(Future) Castiels POV

 

I know how it must look. Deans pretty sick. He has good days and bad days. your probably thinking he dies. But he doesn't. He gets better and we have a family. But let me finish the story theres so much more.

 

(Present day) Castiels POV

 

The drive to Sam was as usual Dean happily Talking as if nothing is wrought. Smiling. Some things he talks about or more small talk like what he watched on tv or how I should get a new trench coat. While other things are how hes so proud of Sam. He put his life back together. Hes on his last year of law school. And already has Job offers for when he is done Uni. Seeing Dean like this makes me happy it makes me feel like the whole world is sunshine and Rainbows. Hes so Perfect. So beautiful. Even with no hair and the smell of death the he seems to have adapted.

 

 

We pull into the drive way and Sam is waiting there. Dean quickly gets out of the car to greet his brother.

" Dean your looking better" The truth is he is. Normally even though he sleeps most of the day he looks like he hasn't slept a day in his life. He has started to gain weight and the doctors have said he's much better then he was in the start. This gives us hope. This gives us Peace knowing one day he will get better and we can have a family. But for know he will keep fighting and I will help him stay strong.

 

" So Dean whens your doctor appointment?" Sam asks when we are seated.

" Next week. They say by then I could be Cancer free." Dean says with a glimmer of hope in his eyes and a smile on his lips.

" Dean that's great!" Sam says getting up to hug dean.

The night continues like that until we leave we say are good byes and get into the truck

" Hey Cas did you know I love you" Dean says out of the blue.

"I love you to Dean. If I could id give you the moon. But its become apparent that I cant actually do that." I say with a smile hoping to get a smile from Dean witch I do.

( One week later ) Deans POV

 

" Well Mr. Winchester I am happy to tell you you are know Cancer free. Of coarse you will need to come in every month. But as of right know You are know out of my care and into more basic simple check ups." The docter I have gotten use to seeing says to me with a huge smile.

 

"thank you Docter" Me and Cas say at the same time as we exit the room. As soon as were in the car Cas pulls me into a deep kiss as he smiles and says were going for diner tonight.And we do we go to an expensive place we eat nice food and then we come home and we have nice sex. Actually great fucking sex. And then as I'm about to fall asleep cas turns around and starts to spoon me and asks me

" Dean how do you feel about a family. Like we could adopt a kid"

" Cas I would love that but... Its extremely hard fro people to adopt let alone same sex couples."

"Dean I'm an angle of the lord I can make it happen."

" Idk Cas this isn't an over night decision."

"I know that but how do you feel about it.

" I have always wanted kids and having them with you would be perfect"

 

(Present day Castiel)

 

And that's how it started they started looking into adoption. Deans hair started growing back and he was slowly building the muscle he had lost while being sick. We are the picute perfect family. An then we found him the perfect little boy for us hes 8 his parents died when he was 3 in a car accident. the agents said hes never clicked with anyone the way he clicks with us. its like we were made to be his parents. Dean turned the little library we had into the perfect room for a little boy. It was comic book themed. We learned even thought hes not the best at reading yet he likes looking at the pictures. He has brown hair and blue eyes.

 

And then on a rainie day in March we got a call... We could come talk him home.

 

I do exactly 100% understand human emotion. But I do know that's the closes ive ever felt pride. As with Dean I think I'm able to grasp the idea of love.

 

we picked him up and drove him to our house we showed him the house and his room and I swear the smile he had on his lips never left. He held me and Deans hand the whole time. We smiled and laugh. He even cryed a little at the thought of his own room. Its actually kinda sad the fact that him having his own room is something so special to him it worth crying over.This feeling of joy I have lasted for a couple the next year.

 

But you see life seems to have a way of making every bad. At first it was anything big. Dean just got more bloody noses. And more bruises... The doctors said it was clumsiness and just dry rooms. I thought to.

 

 

(Future Castiel)

Like I Said before Dean doesn't die we raise Our wonderful kid Adam. We just need to get past the bumpy parts in normal life. This is our bumpy part.

 

(Present Castiel)

Dean cuddles into me when he sleeps. This is normal for us... exept for the fact that red stares gushing from his nose. A nose bleed... But this one is exceptional bad. I sake Dean awake as I strip my shirt off and take him to the bathroom.. 5 minutes... 10 minutes... 15... I relize its not going to be stoping and times soon so I throw on an old hoodie wake Adam up and bring him and Dean into the car to go to the emergency room.

 

 That was not a good day.

 

We learned that Dean was never actually Cancer free. He had a very minimal amount that had manage to hide from the tests.By its self its an easy fix they could cut it out the only issue is. It had grown. expanded in size. And know had become way more then an easy fix.

 

( Future Castiel)

I know what your all thinking cut the crap he died there is no happy ending . Wait you have to believe me I'm not lying he does live and he does have a happy life

 

( Present Castiel )

Dean was rushed into test. we were all so worried about him I had forgot that Adam was sitting beside me the whole time and saw Dean his Father being taking on a gurney into a big room with large  with who knows what in them. " Daddy is Papa going to be okay?" Adam says pulling on my sleeve. " I don't know Adam I Don't know... You see when Daddy and me first got married Daddy got super sick but he got better. but know its happening again and I don't know how bad it is this time. But Adam remember your Daddy's a fighter he's tuff and he beat it once he can beat it again." I say looking down and picking him up.

 (Future Castiel)

And he did for a 6 months. I'm sorry I lied. Dean does die. It was march 1 and me him and Adam wer laying on the couch. We both new it was coming to an end. The Cancer was very close to his brain and his heart. In the end there was nothing I could do. Nothing the docters could do. we were helpless. Waiting for are minutes to run out. And eventually we did.It was late and As I said before me him and Adam were on the couch cuddling. Deans head on my lap with Adam half asleep on my other side. He told me he loved me and that he thought it was time to go and that he loved me and tell Adam he was going to grow up and becaome something specail. He could see the light and it was pulling him towards it his eyes slowly lost the life they once had and Then his eyes closed. I begged him to say I told Adam to call 911. as I pulled Dean into my arms. He could just be gone. I use to say I couldn't grasp Human emotion. well Know I do. I have never felt so much pain . Adam came over and said they were coming tears falling from his eyes as well as mine.  He was pronounced dead when he got to the hospital.The worst part is is that I cant find Deans heaven. no matter how hard I try.

 

When Dean died I think something died in all of us me Sam and Adam. Adam is so very young he still doesn't completely understand the idea of death. All he know is his dad left and never came back.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Whats your guys thoughts?
> 
> I love reading your comments


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